Lessons

I've been thinking a lot about the things that I'm going to teach Elijah as he grows up-- not everything, of course, because some things I believe need to be learned for oneself (for example, that the stove is hot). But there are certain things that I want to be sure that he knows, especially as a little one.

1. No matter how old a person is, remember to be polite. It doesn't matter if they're making you angry, if they're 'like a bajillion' or are just a baby, be polite. People will remember your words and your actions.

2. Take care of those who are smaller than you. If you're the littlest, then take care of the Neverbugs.

3. When you're old enough to have a girlfriend (because I'm going to assume you will at some point or another), treat her like a person. Then a princess, then a goddess. And then like a person again.

4. Never throw the first punch. There are better ways to solve your problems.

5. Remember to read equal parts Elfquest and Shakespeare.

6. Don't assume that a person is what they look like. I rarely am, and I'm your mommy.

7. Listen to Beethoven.

8. Listen to AC/DC, Metallica, Garth Brooks, Miracle of Sound, The King Singers and all the other music, too.

9. Don't deem something unpalatable until you've taken at least two bites. Anything less than that is an insult to the food.

10. If you're in someone else's home, and they cook for you, if you're not allergic-- you eat it. Do not insult the host or hostess.

11. Other people's homes and belongings are to be treated with respect. If you wouldn't do it in a church, don't do it in someone else's home (until invited).

12. If you play a prank, you run the risk of getting caught. Accept this.

13. Don't get caught.

14. Wherever we all came from, whatever we believe in, we're all sharing the same planet. Never ever forget, my dear one, that just because you don't agree with someone doesn't make what they believe in any less valid.

15. We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful who we pretend to be.

16. Clothing has no gender. Yes, dresses DO tend to look better on women, but that doesn't mean that someday when you understand social implication that you can't wear them.

17. If your Opa makes it long enough to tell you stories, listen.

18. No matter how many people you call 'Mom' or 'Dad' over the years, never forget the ones who mushed together your genetics or how much we love you.

19. Don't hate the color pink.

20. Don't be afraid to admit that you don't know an answer. That's how we learn.

21. Never apologize for being sick or being sad.

22. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and pairings. Remember that no matter what's on the outside, underneath it is still love.

23. If you want to know why someone thinks the way they do, ask them. Most people would rather explain their point of view more clearly than have someone assume all the wrong things about it.

24. We love you.

25. The animal who's been working alongside you gets food and water first. You can wait ten minutes while you give your dog dishes of food and water.

26. Treat all living things with respect. This isn't to say that you shouldn't eat meat or pick flowers-- but do it with respect. If you decide to be a hunter someday, don't kill more than you need.

27. You can never read too much.

28. The vast majority of people in the world won't understand or agree with you. That's okay.

29. We're all mad here.

30. Family, whether blood or not, is the most priceless treasure there is. Remember that gold can tarnish and jewels can crack, but it can be cleaned up and fixed. Never give up on your family.

Kitten Season

May is in its swing into June, and while the beginning had already passed, I consider this time to be "kitten season". What is that, you ask? It's the time of the year when queens have a higher incident of pregnancy and/or birth. There are countless cats out there who are running around unspayed and unneutered, bringing kittens into the world. A majority of these are feral cats-- if you're interested in helping them, look into a feral colony rescue near you. These people help maintain population and health in feral colonies.

But what really started this (very poorly organized) entry is that I once again overheard someone asking if they could feed the 'three week old kitten they got from their uncle cat food yet.'. I nearly strangled them. Instead, I sort of played a game of "I work here", and explained to them the things needed to care for a kitten that young, and scolded them (with barbed politeness) for seperating it from its mother. I made sure they had at least a can of liquid formula and a can of powdered, plus a bottle in their basket when they left. I told them all about pottying kittens and their need to be warm before you feed. And that kittens are NOT human babies, and do NOT eat on their damn backs.

I want to make a user-friendly, easy-to-understand guide of what to do if you find a young kitten, pregnant or injured cat, or even just your friendly, neighborhood stray who needs a good 'snipsnip'. Good project? Yes? No?

Would you like to input? I only want serious replies to this question. Please demonstrate to me that you know your shit about cats, if I don't know you personally (and therefore would already know if you're not just shooting in the dark).

I'm going to go collapse in bed now, in prepration for ren faire tomorrow.

Eli says: *kickkickkickkickkickkick* *FLIP* *hiccup*

I swear, this kid does kickboxing for an hour and then hiccups all night like a drunk sailor. -_-

- Loki

(I love you, baby boy, always.)

Confessions of a Pregnant Seahorse

I should really write a book titled that. It could be very, very entertaining. On one of the forums I frequent, there have been lots of 'confession' posts-- basically, stuff that you normally wouldn't do/mention while pregnant that you confess. I'm not entirely behind this notion, mostly because to confess something would imply that I felt guilty about doing it. And I really don't feel guilty for the things I choose/have chosen to do. So... I'm just going to make a list of STUFF. Again. Because I really enjoy making lists.

- I'm tired of people asking me if I'm SURE my due date is Sept. 14. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. With all the ultrasounds and measurements this kid has had, I'm certain the doctors are sure, too.

- Oh gosh, I'm drinking a Pepsi. Call the police. The SWAT team. Inform the mayor! Do you know how much caffeine I would need to consume on a daily basis to cause damage to Eli? Somewhere around three pots of strong, black coffee. A Pepsi or two isn't the end of the world. Gtfo.

- I'm going to eat sushi. If you'd really like to know, it's all cooked seafood.

- If you're going to assume that I'm 16, slutty and pouring my life down the drain then I'm going to assume that you're an old biddy with too many cats who spends the day watching the Hallmark channel and eating five-year-old bonbons.

- Who the heck asks someone if their pregnancy was planned? Unless you're a close friend of mine, you really don't need to know. If you insist, I suppose I could give you five more reasons to cease and desist-- they'll just be curled into a fist.

- When has social convention in America ever hinted that it was okay to ask a person about their weight, comment on their size or anything of that sort? Why on earth is it suddenly okay to be telling me how small I look? Or how big?

- I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and think "Yep. I look fat. I'm swollen, covered in stretch marks and acne, have developed a pelt on my stomach and I feel like I've been running marathons instead of sleeping.". When you tell me that I'm 'glowing' or that I look amazing, and I look at you like you're insane, just remind me that even though I can't see that I'm changing in a good way, that I truly am. Tell me that I'm just the right size and that I'm doing things right.

- On that note, don't be surprised if I still don't believe you.

- I haven't been able to see to 'groom' for at least two weeks now. Summer is coming, and bathing suits might happen... This scares me.

- My husband and I will name our child whatever the heck we want to. If we don't want to use a family name, then we're not going to. You didn't offer any assistance when I asked you to help me name my pets, stop trying to help name my child.

- Yes, I had hopes for a specific sex for the baby. Does it break my heart that he's a boy? Nope. Why? Because he's still my kid, and in the end (this always makes the doctors laugh) I honestly just want a tiny, screaming human with all the parts in the right places.

- I'm terrified I won't have that instant bond with my son when he comes out.

- My pets are going nowhere. When you had your second child, and your first threw a fit about it for months on end, did you ever consider sending him away? Suggesting I do that with my animals is like suggesting that to you.

- Yes, I have to pee again, honey. Please stop pointing it out.
Yes, I waddle when I walk, honey. Please stop pointing it out.
Yes, I eat strange things, honey. Please stop pointing it out.

- Just because I'm feeling sexy, doesn't mean I want sex.

- Just because I'm not feeling sexy, doesn't mean I don't want sex.

- I enjoy having my stomach touched! I do not like having my stomach molested. On that note, sweet older lady at Target, I'm really sorry for grabbing your wrist like that when you tried to pat the belly. You're a stranger, and you didn't ask. I don't like it when my friends don't ask, it wasn't okay for you. But I'm still sorry for scaring you.

Scars

"Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going."
- Criminal Minds


I've been thinking a lot about scars, recently. Emotional and physical-- I have them both. My son is going to look at me one day, sweet and innocent and simply not knowing how the world can be and will ask me "Mommy, why are your arms hurt? Where did those scars come from?" 


I'll have to answer him, because I can't keep that huge chapter of my life from my child. It wouldn't be right. I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to say-- and I know that I have years to think about it -- but this is the gist of what I've come up with for now:


"When I was a teenager, things were very, very difficult for myself and your grandma. Grandma had some problems that she's taken care of now-- remember how we celebrate two birthdays for grandma every year? It's because we're celebrating her getting through all of those bad, hard things. But because those things happened, mommy got hurt. At first, it was just hurting on the inside, but I didn't have anyone to talk to about what hurt so badly, so I found a different way to handle it. Instead of talking to a grown-up, I hurt myself very badly and had to go to a special hospital for a long time. 


Nobody was mad at me for doing it. Everyone was very, very sad in fact. But because I tried to hurt myself so badly, I have these marks/scars. Now, I talk to daddy or auntie when I feel that badly, so that I don't feel like I have to do something like that again. Nobody gets upset when I talk to them about how I'm feeling, they always help and they never tell me I'm being bad for thinking that way, and no one in this family will EVER be mad at you if you need to talk to them about how you're feeling."


I realize, too, that I'm going to have to explain my emotional scars sooner. I wake up screaming from nightmares and flashbacks. One day, I'm going to have to tell my baby that the monsters that mommy thinks she sees at night aren't real anymore, but sometimes, they seem very, very real and when mommy's dreaming, her brain doesn't know that they aren't. 


I'm honestly very scared to explain that one to my child. When he's older and able to understand what "a bad man hurt mommy" means, I'll tell him the full story. As it is, I intend on telling him about his two siblings who are looking out for him from heaven-- and I intend on telling him that his daddy is not daddy for both of them. I'm also going to tell him-- I'm going to be so sure to tell him -- that even though a bad, bad person was #1's father, that I now love that little angel as much as I love Dahlia, and I talk to him/her just like I do his sister. 


Physical scars are a book that others can look at and try to read. Emotional scars are the drawings in the margin that only *you* know what they are. 


- Loki

How my cat has prepared me for a baby.

I've been reading about what to expect from babies and young children, and I keep finding myself thinking "I already do this with my cat. Hm.". It's all very silly stuff...

1) You cannot pee/shower alone.
Lea, my youngest cat, follows me into the shower if she can. If I close the bathroom door, she flings herself at it while howling. Then she jams her paws under it and reaches for me. Before her stroke (more on that next), she used to scale the shower doors and sit there. Watching.

2) Illness, serious or not, is scary.
When we brought Lea home, she had a bad URI and this rancid, watery poop. It was horrific. But I spent the hours giving her Pedialyte, holding her, soothing her and generally making her feel 'all better'.

Last year, this gorgeous kitten had a stroke. She was barely a year old. We didn't expect her to recover- everything we'd heard regarding her recovery was bleak. As it turned out (so you don't worry), she's tenacious and fought her way back to health, and proved us all wrong. I stayed up all night, holding her and just telling her how much I love her. I'd fall asleep with her in my arms. We had to syringe feed, clean her when she messed herself, give her meds... it was emotional and one of the most stressful things we've been through.

3) Waking up every two hours to feed a screaming little one is completely doable.
You might be sleep deprived and forget things, but it's doable. When Pandora (now 12) came to us, she was about 2 weeks old. That meant I got to bottle-feed her every two hours, through the night and day. Not to mention the other things that kittens that little need done for them at that age.

If I can do that at age 12, I can handle it now. It's completely different with a tiny human.

4) What you seem to think is your alone time... isn't.
They're always watching. or trying to climb into your lap. Or begging for your soda, that they don't really want but OMGNEED because it's yours.

5) Your food is no longer your food.
Instead, it is a bite of chicken for you and most of the broccoli, but the rest gets snarked by a whining kitten.

6) 'Up-ups' are a normal part of your day.
Lea is trained to ask for up-ups. She comes to me, sits pretty and says "skeek?", then hops onto her back legs and streeeeetches up. I lean down, she hooks her front paws over my shoulder, and the up-ups are completed. : )

7) If I can train a cat, I can teach my child.
My cats current tricks?
Lea- 'back up', stay, get it!, settle/lie down, and "happy kitty".
Pandora- sit, stay, lie down, down, leave it, get it, find it... and the ever important "GET THAT BUG!!"

(I am falling asleep... I'll finish this in the morn~ in the meantime, a picture of my cat.)