1. Secure howling baby in your arms, then wrestle with as he tries to yank down the front of your shirt. Wonder briefly if he has any idea what the concept of patience is. Decide he doesn't, and attempt to speed efforts to free a boob.
2. Detach baby's mouth from shirt.
3. Pry baby's hand off nipple. Attempt to secure it under your boob. Eventually give up and just let baby flap his free arm around.
4. Wrangle your boob with your free hand, while holding your irate, hungry, mouthing-at-air baby with the other. Attempt to shove boob into baby's open mouth.
5. Repeat step 4 as needed until baby latches on.
6. Gnash teeth in frustration when baby lets go, licks you and falls asleep.
7. Wonder if baby is lying, or if he is actually sleeping. Attempt to move baby into a different position.
8. Realize baby WAS lying.
9. Worry about dropping baby when he launches himself sideways toward your boobs. Repeat steps 3-5.
10. Send praises and burnt offerings to your deity of choice when baby actually nurses. Once finished, burp baby and attempt to interest him in the other boob.
11. Try not to yelp too loudly when baby chomps down to use your sore nipple as a bink.
12. Pry baby off boob.
13. Attempt to soothe irate baby with promises of more nursing later.
14. Twenty minutes after feeding, realize your boob is still hanging out of your shirt. Be thankful noone was home to see, then sit down to relax... while you can.
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